Broken

I guess there is a time in everyone's life where you go... How did I end up here? Where nothing makes sence. That's where I am now.. I met a boy, fell in love... Hard! And was happy until the day he decided to abuse my love, my trust and ... Me. I truly believed that we were meant to be, and in some ways I still believe it. But I had to run. Had to take our 2 year old son and leave the love of my life. I had to leave my heart behind and act before I totally lost myself. Before my son understood what was going on. And become the forth generation of abuser. How do you think with your head when your heart is screaming the total opposite to what the brain is thinking. How do you leave someone behind?? How do you protect yourself from yourself, from the love you have given.. Reminding myself that I was the only one who gave anything doesn't help, it's not enough. Where did it all go wrong?? When did he decide that my love didn't matter that my heart, my life, my love wasn't enough wasn't worthy, wasn't good enough. How does one fight this totally and utterly consuming pain that sorounds me 24/7? I can hardly breath, my heart beats with pain.. Every beat is followed by an emptiness. I scream "ABBA" "FATHER" !! Heal this torn heart! Heal my brokenness, HEAL ME!! The pain is unbearable, take this burden! Your yoke is easy Father, lift this heavyness from my heart! Save me from my hurt, fill my empty heart with your love! Fill my empty soul,, the places that where given to him for safekeeping, the rape, the abuse... Father! I scream in he pain that fills my soul! It flows through my vains.. A constant reminder of the one I love so deeply.. That never loved me, who only lied to get what he lusted... I loved him, he only lusted me.. Now I am used, finished... Broken... And like an old toy, tossed away. Please Lord, send someone who will fill my broken holes with love, mend my bruises with acceptance and wipe away my tears with a belief in me. Someone proud to love me, proud to be loved by me. One who loves you for making me. One who desires to love me as you have loved me first. Oh Father, mend my broken heart!!