The Fairytale..

I find myself depressed in a normal fashion, wanting to find the one person who God has planned for me.

Watching silly romantic comedies and wondering if it really can be that way.

- Is that like believing in Santa Claus???

feeling lonelly and irritated.

I've seen 3 of my old classmates get married this summer.

I've never been the good girl, and now I'm wondering... can I turn my life around?

You see, what I mean by good girl is sexual.. I lost my virginity and became sexually active at the young age of 15 I thought I was grown up and mature. None of my friends or peers thought I was a virgin and they where my whole life at the time. Without the maturity to see beyond my young age I thought that only thier oppinion mattered. So it didn't matter if I kept it or not.

Cigerettes became drugs, meeting friends became drinking with friends and sex ... well lets just say I was to young to say no at a few ocassions.

Today non of those are active players in my life but still my sexual past haunts me.

I am emotionally scarred for life. Who could I ever meet that could see past these things and will I ever have a healthy life again?

God heals all wounds, but can I let these go?

Abba Father, Please help me understand how I can give these burdans to you. They are way to heavy for me. Please create in me a clean heart and spirit. Break the emotional shackels that bind my feet.

And foremost renew a stedfast spirit within me.

Amen